Saturday, September 3, 2011

Selective Attacks?

I don't get it. Maybe someone can explain this to me. I have always been attacked at my mosque verbally for having so many kids ie why do you have so many kids? why don't you stop having kids? I grew up learning to turn the other cheek so I don't say much. Today I met a woman with 6 kids. Now that is a lot because in our community they seem to think that 3 is the maximum. Any more and its taboo. So I asked her what do people say to you. The answer, nothing. WHAT? I told the family what people say to me and they were shocked. They said I should have told them to mind their own business. So wait a minute here. These rude remarks then are only for me and not for others with big families? Why? Is it because I don't belong to their ethnic group or is it because I am less wealthy or both? Am I the only one going through this? I always wondered if I were richer if people would dare to treat me like this and now I think I have the answer.


  1. assalam alaikum
    This so sad that you are being attacked by your own muslim sisters, subhanaAllaah! Sister, May Allaah give you sabr and may He puts you above all of this low things in This world. He is the Only One who can increase our position, so don't worry, have trust in Him. Be proud, sister, you are not doing anything wrong, on the contrary you are following sunnah that many many muslims don't find strength to follow!

  2. Salam C

    You know if you lived where I live I'd say it had more to do with you not being of their ethnic group. Funnily enough I get critisized for the exact opposite, we have two kids and have been married for 7 years. People make false assumptions that we have a hard time getting pregnant and when I tell them that's not the case, they go on and on about why I need to have more before I "get old"....either way it's none of their business and someone will always find a fault with your choices no matter really can never win.

  3. Assalaamu aleikum
    Good grief!! people can be so rude!! I'm sorry to hear you have to put up with this. It's v sad that some people in the Muslim communties can't keep their nose out of other people's business. I didn't get kids easily so I would have to put up with all that "what no babies yet?" stuff for the first 5 years of marriage. Whether you have none or ten is really no one else's business. The other thing I used to get a lot of comments about certain aspects of my appearance, to the extent that I pretty much withdrew for a few years. (Those comments came from 1 or 2 specific ethnic groups, I am sorry to say, butI won't name them here.) I have been venturing out into the community a little more of late, but am always ready to scuttle away at a moment's notice!

  4. Asalaamu Alaikum Umm AbulAziz

    Amin to your dua.

    Asalaamu Alaikum Muslim Convert

    When I only had 3, a woman used to keep asking me when I would have more but once I had 4 I never heard that question again.

    Asalaamu Alaikum Huda

    Not only questions about your fertility but also your appearance? Sheesh. Can a woman get a break?

  5. salam alaikum uhkti
    for me its a little different. They look at my son and ask how many more kids Im going to have. Then they look at my daughter with the most pitiful face and say "Oh it guess you are not going to have anymore kids? thats all for you hey?" Im like "WHAT? No, actually, I want 5 more children inshaAllah." That always suprises people, even my own mother who thought I should stop after dd. I think it is part arrogance and part jelously. Honestly,, how many of those women who commented to you have the same amount of kids? Maybe they cant have anymore or their husbands dont want to have anymore, maybe they really are just being rude. InshaAllah, Allah will reward you for the kindness you give them though, even when they do not treat you the same way.

  6. Wa alaikum Salaam

    That must be painful for you. I don't know what reason those women have for saying that to me that's why I can only guess its a money thing. But Allahu alim.

  7. people will always interfere, no matter what you do..I guess cos you being not from their ethnic group and being a western they can't believe you can still have more kids youngest is three and everyone tells me to get pregnant again soon..heheheh

  8. Could be because I'm a westerner. One woman with 4 kids told me the reason the other women from her ethnic group don't have more than 3 kids is because they want to be like westerners ( I guess I'm ruining the image of a proper westerner?) and she said the first 2 are planned and the third is an accident. Her words not mine.

  9. that can be a reason as well..may Allah bless your kids and your family..

    sis I've tagged you to receive an award in my blog