Friday, February 25, 2011

Friday Nasihah -Cordial Relations - Ownership

Understanding the Prophet's Life
Cordial Relations
Ihsan adds beauty and excellence to cordial relations. No relationship can be established on measuring constantly whether one has fulfilled one's obligations. One should not be very particular about one's own rights, with a view to ensuring that one gets all that is one's due. Rather, one should be ever-ready to do favours for others. A strictly business-like relationship may work. However, this would be lacking in mutual love, gratitude, sacrifice, sincerity and warmth, which are so important in life. Doing good stands for excellent conduct, generous dealings, a sympathetic attitude, good manners, forgiveness and making allowances. One should be prepared to accept less than one's due and give others more than what they deserve. This point is eloquently made in the following hadith:
"O Allah! Let me maintain ties with him who severs these. Let me grant him his due that deprives me of what is due to me. Let me forgive him who wrongs me." (Mishkat)
In other words this character trait demands that one should give others over and above what is their due. More importantly, one should do good to him who wrongs one. For true believers are those who repulse evil with their good deeds.
"Inter Personal Relations" - Khurram Murad, pp. 14, 15
go to the top ^
Ownership is the decision to become the author of our own experience. It is the choice to decide on our own what value and meaning will occur when we show up. It is the stance that each of us is creating the world, even the one we have inherited.
This requires us to believe in the possibility that this organization, this neighbourhood, this community is mine and ours to create. This will occur when we are willing to answer the essential question, "How have I contributed to creating the current reality?" Confusion, blame, and waiting for someone else to change are defences against ownership and personal power.
A Subtle denial of ownership is innocence and indifference. The future is denied with the response, "It doesn't matter to me - whatever you want to do is fine." This is always a lie and just a polite way of avoiding a difficult conversation around ownership.
People best create that which they own, and cocreation is the bedrock of accountability. The ownership conversation most directly deals with the belief that each of us, perhaps even from the moment of birth, is cause, not effect.
Compiled From:
"Community: The Structure of Belonging" - Peter Block, pp. 127, 128


  1. Salam alaykom,

    Mashallah i really enjoyed reading these! I needed the first part as a reminder. We do constantly think of ourselves and what WE SHOULD be receiving yet we might be depriving someone else their rights. If everyone were to treat each other far and beyond what they deserve then wouldn't we, ourselves, be content and overly happy with how are being treated. Subhanallah. I think it is best to focus on ones treatment then to focus on the treatment they are receiving.

    I have not heard of the source of the hadith you posted....Mishkat? What/who is that?

    Your second part reminds me of a hadith you posted either, that if evil is being witnessed then one must change it with their hand, if not then with their tongue and if not that,then with their heart.

    Jazakillah and just to let you know, some of your text is being cut by the adds on the side of the screen.

  2. I guess Mishkat is another narrator like Buhkari or Muslim etc. I don't know why the text ended up like that, it hasn't happened before.