Thursday, November 4, 2010

Don't be nosy!

One thing that drives me nuts about muslims is the amount of nosy questions they ask. Someone I know has been complaining about it too. Instead of the regular questions people use to get to know you better, most muslims just ask plain nosy questions and give unislamic unasked for advice. I guess this is a cultural thing because it sure isn't part of Islam. I like when people ask about myself and even my kids. Before Islam no one ever asked me how my kids were. On top of that they even inquire about your parents. Amazing! No one ever asked me about them either. But that's the good part and these questions always come from Arabs. Very nice adab. But the questioning I hate goes like this : How are you? Why do you keep having so many kids? Why don't you buy a house? That was a few years ago. Now the question is Why don't you buy a house in our rich neighbourhood? For others the questions are why don't you have more kids (they can't use that one  on me!). How about if I turned the tables and did the same to them? But I was raised not to get involved in other people's business and Islam says the same thing. If they are really asking for some important reason like they want to buy me a house in their neighbourhood then sure fire away, but that's never the point. How does belittling people increase the love between sisters?This article got me to thinking about all this although I think of it often but with Eid coming up let's remember to MYOB! Get to know your sister in Islam as a real person, as a real friend and then maybe just maybe she will reveal to you things about herself that puzzle you but then again those facts would not be for public knowledge. Muslims have rights over us and they should be protected from our tongues and our hands. When you meet a sister or anyone try to see them as a multidimensional person with different sides to their personality, who may have a different upbringing, who has a different qadar from you. Nobody wants to be put on the spot. Show kindness in your speech. Ask them something you've never asked before that is not intrusive like what's your favourite Islamic clothing store or what did you study at school (no one ever asks me this , they assume people with big families are uneducated), or  what places have you ever travelled to. You will see the person relax and you will establish ties with them that can lead to more activities like planning halaquas or playdates with islamic themes or simply sharing recipes (oh so common for muslims). This Eid and everyday treat your sister with love and respect for the sake of Allah.


  1. assalam alaikum
    I know what you mean here, sister! Actually I wanted to blog about this nosyness, too.People ask me whether I'm pregnant, when do I plan to get pregnant, whether we are trying to get pregnant, and do I use contraception right now, subhanaAllaah. And these questions I can get straight after "hi,how are you"s and from people I see only once or twice in a year!
    I wonder, what it gives them to know about my very personal life!

  2. Wa Alaikum Salaam

    Right after how are you...exactly! They sure don't beat around the bush! Insha Allah this post will get people thinking. Have a blessed Eid filled with non-nosy questions.

  3. This nosyness still continues...some questions can be v rude and make one uncomfortable answering it. Why dont we accept the good and stay away from asking questions which is none of our business .Only Allah knows the trauma and pain and hurt people go through their lives eg divorce, children, health, wealth.Pls sisters ..think before you asks..and have taqwa and love for your sisters.we can build better relationships from being less nosy but more sincerely helpful.